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To teach or not to teach? It’s no secret that our age is rapid. Perhaps that is why the young parents , afraid of being late, rush immediately after the birth of the baby to plan his future and solve the following problems : how many years to sit with the child at home, whether to give him in a manger, whether to hire a nanny , at what age to invite experts in early learning child , in which high school to give to learn which of the schools would be worthy of taking my child after the 11th grade. The above problems are not far-fetched , they have overcome almost all mothers and fathers , grandmothers and grandfathers. Solving them , it is difficult to take into account a number of variables that make up our lives. All parents seeking to plan and facilitate the child’s life , somehow believe that their child will be a genius : will develop by leaps and bounds , may show musical ability, intellectual or artistic talent , brilliant finish school … But everything in life is , unfortunately, much more difficult and more prosaic , and not always our dream come true . But be that as it may, before almost all young parents face the question : To teach or not to teach the child? And most importantly, where to begin? In a year , two , three ?

There are many views on the problem of early childhood development : some experts believe that a child under 3 years old do not have to teach anything – he needs freedom . Would be a good child care, and all the rest will come to him over the years. Others believe that teaching a child can and should be , but only subtly in the game , given the possibility of age- kid. Still others argue that a child under three years of age must give as much new information in all areas of knowledge ( history, geography , art , etc.). There are teachers and psychologists who offer developed by them hourly net sessions with the child , which is planned to train a child with a year and a half to two foreign languages ​​( twice a week each) , mathematics, computer literacy , etc.

What same approach should be followed in raising the kid ?

Let’s try to see how the child develops cognitive sphere , and then decide : what to teach and his first, and perhaps do not teach at all. Learn by itself ! The development of cognitive processes of the young child is rapid : the rapidly evolving attention, memory, perception, thinking , etc. But, as the eminent psychologist LS XX century Vygotsky , the main , the dominant feature of this age is the perception . This means that the most successful child reaches that age is not in memory or thinking, and in the field of perception. That perception is a function of the mind , which must be developed first.

What progress reaches a child in the area of ​​perception ?

Children of the second year of life can learn a variety of items in the pictures on them in some detail (the color does not matter ) . But children can not always correlate with the actual object drawn , and that they should be taught. For example, a child reading a book , my mother can ask, ” Who is this? ” – And say, ” bunny “, and then show a toy bunny ” bunny rabbit in the picture and in my hands .” Later, the question “Who is this? ” Baby itself will be responsible .

The perception of the young child is largely different from that of a preschooler . Try an experiment: in the eyes of a child to disassemble a pyramid and asked to collect it back . At first, the child will act at random and is unlikely without the help of an adult come to the right decision . To the perception of the baby was perfected , it can offer not only a pyramid , but a set of bowls of different sizes, the baby inserted one into the other , dolls , etc. Playing with these toys , the child soon realizes that things are different in shape and size that you can not put a bowl on the pin of the pyramid , and that little thing can easily fit into a large .

Later, the child learns to distinguish objects by color, and we can also help . For example, a parent, a child showing two apples , says: ” This yellow apple, and it is red . Give me yellow ! ” As the psychologist VS Mukhina, the third year of life the child can absorb up to eight colors.

Development will contribute to the perception of the game ” Once the bug , two bug” , “Help the baby animals “, ” good tea ” and others. Parents can and do come up with a lot of games, and insert them into the context of life events and situations. And if the child during early childhood firmly mastered concepts such as “big” , “small” , “round” , “square “, ” red “, ” yellow “, ” green “, “blue” , and date of birth , and then subsequently acquire knowledge at school, he will be much easier.

Speaking of cognitive sphere kid should be noted that the role of perception in the development of memory, thinking, attention is also extremely high.

The memory of the young child is always associated with its active perception – recognition. If the half-year-old child can learn just close its terms of objects and people that are constantly talking , the child at the end of the second year of life can find out what he saw or heard a few weeks ago. The child of the second year of life can already remember the simplest musical tunes and sing them . The development of attention at an early age is in the process of development of walking and speech. Once the child begins to walk , expands the scope of items that he can explore on their own, which in turn contributes to the development of attention. Now the child can be seen not only what is around him, but that alone can get off the shelves , pull out cabinets, take off the table. Thus, the child learns to keep his attention on the various subjects that fall within the field of view. At the time when the child looks at something an adult can sharpen its focus on the details of the subject : ” What a beautiful flower. Look what his little green leaves . ”

Thinking the child develops in the course of handling a variety of subjects. If your child needs to close nursery pot with a lid , it will operate by trial and error , pick up a variety of covers and applying them to the pan , until it finds the right one. Thinking the child begins to develop more rapidly with the development of speech. The kid asks questions , therefore , it already there’s some understanding of cause-and- effect relationships . Observations EB White (1982 ) show that one of the characteristics of a well-developed three year old child is his ability to carry on conversations with an adult , as with their peers .

As language acquisition , a child varies greatly , it starts on a different attitude to the environment . 1 year, 2 months, the child began to repeat the words of an adult on their own initiative . In the second year of life begins mastering the grammatical structure of the speech. 1 year, 8 months to 1 year 10 months in a child’s speech appear two-word sentences. In 2-3 years in sentences spoken by a child , there is consistency between the different parts .

Thus, in early childhood, it is first necessary to develop the child’s perception and speech ( and necessarily in the form of a game , without coercive and boring “lessons” ) . This opinion is shared by most of the leading educators and psychologists.

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Teaching a child to read begins with an introduction to letters. Without the knowledge of letters reading becomes impossible. To avoid the unpleasant consequences of an illiterate education , teach the child, taking into account the following rules

- Teach your playing . The main way of understanding the world in pre-school age is a game . It will help to reliably absorb the information , call the child’s interest and instill a love of reading . So do the first steps in the world of reading through the game with letters about letters and letter. Let the games come alive in your interesting stories in which characters meet and part , they go to meet each other . If the games are fun and interesting , then play 10-15 minutes a day will not give up , no child . Engage your baby and to actively participate in the games. Child can run away to join the letters , paint them on the sand, snow or glass. Find and name familiar letters on billboards, signboards of shops . Play with the letters exactly as much time as it will be interesting to the child. If you notice that the baby is tired , stop the exercise.

- Are familiar with the child can be letters using cards , on each of which a letter is drawn by a letter- magnets with books , blocks , etc.

- When you introduce children to letters , call the sound they represent . If vowels simple. They are both written and spoken – “a” , “o” , “u” , etc. Then with consonants more complicated. Featuring a child according to the letter , call the sound that it represents . For example , showing the child the letter “G”, call it not ” ge “, and [ g ] , the letter “D” – not ” de ” [ d ] , “L” , not ” el “, and [ L ], etc. etc. This will further help the child properly connect the sounds into words. The word mother does not read as ” EMAEMA “, and the ball , as ” EMYACH .” While the children are accustomed to call the letter ” M” as [ em ] , and only read.

- Do not teach once all letters of the alphabet . It is better to learn with your child a few letters and then try to put them out of syllables and short words . For example, having learned of the letter ” a, u, m ,” you can already read the word ” am “, ” audio “, ” mom .” Still learning the “c” and “o” – you can already read ” wasp “, ” she “, ” he “, ” catfish ” and so on. The study of letters , and then apply their knowledge in practice , on the one hand allows the child to more firmly grasp the knowledge, and the other – will cause a feeling of success. After all, the kid learned while only three – five letters , but how many words have already been able to read ! And the child will begin with an interest in further exploring the letters.

- Begin to read with syllables that consist of two vowels : ” ay ” ( named in the woods ), ” wa ” ( baby crying ) . Then move on to the reading of closed syllables , such as ” s “, ” th “, etc. The child calls vowel drawl , and then , as if puts , according to the letter to her . Once he has mastered these syllables , go to the reading public , ” ma “, ” pa” .

Continually monitor , meaningful child reads the words or not. For example , a child read the word “chair” . Ask him what he just read . Ask to see this object, or draw it . If the child does not correlate graphical notation of speech , with its semantic meaning , let them read it again. It is important to show your child that every word means something . Can you tell us the story of the word – a kind of mystery that hides behind the subject . The task to unravel the mystery baby .

- Learn the letters just in a good mood . Praise your child for his success . And do not make forced to read.

- As to the age at which a child should begin to learn to read , there is no single answer . Some children successfully master the reading of three years, others – with five others – with the six . The main thing to look for when choosing children for the study of letters and learning to read – this is the spoken word baby. It must have a sufficiently rich vocabulary and be free speech defects .

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Why is it so important for children to develop fine motor skills of hands ? The fact that the human brain centers responsible for speech and movement of the fingers , are very close . Stimulating fine motor skills and thereby enhancing the relevant parts of the brain , we will intensify and adjacent areas that are responsible for it .
Educators and psychologists , unanimously agree that the fine motor skills are very important, because it develops a higher quality of consciousness , such as attention, thinking , coordination , imagination , observation , visual and motor memory , speech. The development of fine motor skills is also important for when the child grows up, he will need the precise coordinated movements to write, dress , and perform a variety of household and other activities .

Consequently, our chain can be completed .

Fine motor skills – speech – perception – the higher mental functions (thinking, memory, attention ) .

The correct development of fine motor skills also determines the formation of the child’s sensory-motor coordination – concerted action of hands and eyes. With the help of a child exploring their environment , control its motion , so that they become more sophisticated and accurate. Eye , as it were ‘training’ in hand , and using hand motions in the objects manipulated by the child , opened more new information . Vision and arm movements are the main source of knowledge of child reality. By studying all sorts of things , touching and feeling their hands , the child comes to understand causal relationships . The older the child becomes, the more he uses his hands and fingers to repeat what he saw , or exercise plan. He builds houses, towers and bridges , draws people and animals , letters and numbers, and eventually learning to write .

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Kid 2.5-3 years:

- Mom , give me a machine !

Mom gives the words :

- Take it , son.

The kid is angry:

- I do not want a machine !

Mom picks up a toy. Kid angrily :

- Give me a machine ! A- ah-ah !

And so on the rise …

You know your child ? So , you in the midst of the so-called “crisis of three years.”

The crisis may begin as early as 2.5 years.

What happens to the child at this age ? What is the true reason for his “terrible ” behavior ? How to behave parents to go through with minimal losses during this period , and to minimize its duration ?

What happens to the child ?

If you drive a car, then surely you remember how you drove it the first time. Very carefully , internally huddled in fear, as if not to miss any traffic sign, not to hook the curb , and do not forget to include a turn signal .

But then came the happy moment when you feel that the car you unquestioningly obey your actions have achieved automaticity , you have complete control over the situation , and , best of all, you have to enjoy driving .

Since then, the majority of motorists drive recklessly starting a car, enjoying this indescribable feeling of confidence in their abilities.

But … before the first accident (or , worse, crash) .

And the more critical situations arise on the road , the faster a motorist comes to thinking about the need to look at ourselves through the eyes of other road users. And, accordingly, changing his style of driving.

Why am I telling you all this ? To help you better understand what happens to a child under 3 years of age. Yes exactly the same!

The first three years of a child physically and mentally dependent on his mother, he will not let her on a step , going through a difficult separation. During this period the baby absorbs like a sponge , a huge amount of information. It collects , collects , collects …

Time passes , the baby becomes more physically developed (already skillfully and confidently control his body ) and mentally (his brain reaches a certain stage of development).

The child , exploring space , sees the results of its operations , is delighted by the realization that can affect the world around us (if to kick a ball, then it starts to roll , if long whine , it will give you what you ask .)

Kid explores the properties not only of inanimate objects , but also the behavior of the people around him . It emulates an adult, use their language, ” tries ” on different roles , begins to play in role-playing games . Shows interest to peers, begins to interact with children , playing in cooperative games with them.

His self-confidence reaches a universal scale , “Hurrah ! I myself know how it is ! I did it I can not! I’m more like mom and dad ! “. The child becomes aware of themselves as a separate independent person .

And … begins to ” recklessly drive a car.” Unaware of the danger, and not understanding why he constantly pulls something forbidden , educate, decide everything for him.

Any crisis – it is an internal contradiction between “want” and ” can not.”

That is , on the one hand, many do not meet the wishes of the child to his abilities (internal conflict) , and on the other hand, he is faced with the constant care of adults ( external conflict ) .

And what to do in such a situation? Resist or accept. There is no alternative .

Here’s baby and resists, as you can!

In psychology, there is a whole list of indicators of “crisis three years,” the so-called Pleiades ( self-will , stubbornness, negativism, stubbornness , protest , riot , a symptom of depreciation , despotism ) .

But it’s all due to one cause, succinctly describing the child’s behavior during the crisis period of three years:

The kid committed itself to make decisions !

Once again . It seeks not only to do something on their own, but also to decide to do it or not.

Let me explain in more detail at this point every sign ” Pleiades “. Thus,


The child wants to do everything himself , even if he can not .

I understand that it is more convenient to do something for the child , because it’s faster . But this you deprive him of the joy of the process .

Look at his happy little eyes , and see the pride of knowing the fact of its independence !

What to do? Allow your child to try to do everything yourself , even if you know it’s too much for him . Experience – the son of hard errors .

But if something happened crumbs , be sure to praise him, to explain what he did well , and emphasize what he has become a big and independent . Such recognition success raises self-esteem, gives confidence in the forces.


When a child is stubborn , he insists on something , not because he wants it badly , but because he demanded : “I am so decided ! “.

For example , the kid asks for the ball. But the ball is not, and mother offers him a replacement, for example, his favorite book . The kid realizes that the book is much more interesting than the ball . But still insists, “Give the ball ! “. Why ? Because it’s mom suggested a book , and not himself so decided .

What to do? Just wait for a few minutes. Mature kid himself , and he will make a decision – ask for a book. Strange but true !

Negativism and obstinacy

The child acting against not only parents, but sometimes even their own accord . The kid refuses to comply with requests , not because he did not want to, but only because it asked to do so .

For example , my mother has to go for a walk. Toddler who loves to walk , for some reason says : “Do not go ! “. Why ? Because it’s mom suggested to go for a walk, and not himself so decided !

What to do? Try instead the affirmative forms of ” Let’s go for a walk! ” Just ask the kid about his desire : ” Honey, we ‘ll go for a walk ? ‘.

In some situations, you can use a little stratagem . For example , instead of asking , “Are you going to eat? ” Ask a question containing multiple options to choose from , but that can not say no , ” You’re going to eat buckwheat or rice ? “.

And it’s really a last resort , you can offer your child to do the opposite, with the expectation that the kid out of a sense of negativity will do what is necessary. For example , say ” Walked out this will not come up ,” then the kid will insist on a walk . But often resort to this method, I do not advise , because it is cheating .

More often saves me the phrase ” Let’s together” . For example , the son says, ” I will not wash ! “. I say, ” Come together will wash ! “. Oh, and then my job to make sure that it was interesting to wash. For example, read the poem ” Vodicka , Vodicka , wash my face … ” or wash our bear.

The protest – riot

The protest – riot child – a response to pressure from the parents, and their desire to solve everything for the baby (” Do not Cry “, ” Do not break ,” ” Sit down at the table ,” ” Put slippers ! “).

Turbulent energy child must find a way out in the form of activities. And if you hold it , it results in the form of emotions ( anger, tantrums ) .

Any person (a child, and even more so) is very hard for a long time in the nervous tension, and if the discharge does not occur in the form of emotion or any kind of activity, then there is stress and , consequently , reduced immunity.

The child , whose activities are constantly restrain parents , considering his behavior wrong, will find other ways to release pent-up tension. For example, in the form of aggression or self-abuse .

What to do? If a kid comes in hysterics , quietly wait out of her , and then explain how the “right” to behave and why.

Explain anything during a tantrum is useless. So is the nature of the human psyche . During the manifestation of human emotions is difficult to concentrate on what he is told (it is the dominant principle – the point of excitation in the brain suppresses all others) .

symptom depreciation

Changing the child’s relationship to your favorite things and toys ( he can throw them , break ) and to people ( or the kid can hit my mother had called rude words ) .

This is the next stage of the research activities of the child ( not to be confused with aggression ) .

Then he realizes what his behavior can be frustrating to others. And yet … As long as he imitates an adult, it is interesting to watch their reaction (and what would happen if … ) .

What to do? Direct the energy of a child in a peaceful way .

For example, if a baby refuses to dress for a walk , then ask them to dress a doll or teddy bear , that he will play the role of an adult. In the end, the child agrees to dress himself , too .


The kid learns to control the world around them , trying to force parents to do what he wants.

It should be understood that the desire for leadership, the desire to ” win a place in the sun” – is a good character trait that allows a person to be the master of life, not weak-willed sheep , driven by other people.

What to do? Give in to your child in the ” little things .” But in regard to the health and safety of the child and other people – be adamant ( without exception ) . Allows kids to make mistakes , because now the child learns only by doing. He is still difficult to explain and understand your morals , or rather he understands them in their own way .

It will make a slight digression . To explain a little ,

How is the understanding and awareness of the meaning of words ?

When we hear a new word for us , we still do not understand its meaning. But remember information about it, can not even said out of context to create some idea about the subject.

The next time , when we hear the same word in a new context , our understanding of the subject a little refined.

And so on, information about the subject gradually builds up and gradually formed a clear idea about it , there are connections between different concepts (if you do it , you get it ) .

So , from private to general forms of human experience .

The child does not yet have the life experience , his understanding of things and events is not common , but specific .

Oh, well , I hope, an overview of the crisis three years , and that happens to a child, you have formed ?

Now is the time to draw practical conclusions , namely , how to behave parents to shorten the duration of the crisis.

Parents how to behave in order to reduce the duration of the crisis three years?

Let’s go back to the analogy of a motorist who I cited at the outset.

The more critical situations arise on the road , the faster a motorist comes to thinking about the need to look at ourselves through the eyes of other road users. And, accordingly, changing his style of driving.

The more the child will have experience of independent actions and decision-making , the more progress , and ( alas) he will make mistakes , the quicker will be the crisis , the faster he will learn to interact with people .

Understand the child eventually take its toll ( nature can not be fooled .) Everything that he did not get in due time , he will endeavor to make up later in life . In your power in time to feel the needs of the child and not to stretch the process for years.

So , to sum up the above, formulate basic principles of conduct parent who wants to speed up the flow of the crisis three years without trauma for the child.

To a child , articulate their requests are not in the form of ( “Go eat” ), as well as a question (” Are you going to eat ? “, ” You’re going to eat now or later? “, ” You’re going to eat rice or buckwheat porridge ? ” depending on the answer that you expect to hear ) .

Behave with the child as an equal. Ask for permission to take his toy , be sure to say ” Thank you ” if you had a crumb service. So not only do you avoid the negativity and obstinacy on his part , but also submit your kid is a good example to follow.

Direct the energy of a child in a peaceful way , that is, proposes to replace the undesirable actions kid (because you can not do as well as you can) , use the game to smooth the crisis moments .

Give in to your child in the ” little things “, as extend it right , let him make mistakes , do not interfere in the affairs of children , if the kid does not ask . But in regard to his health and safety , as well as the health and safety of others – be adamant – NO, without exception !

If the kid began to resist your offer of a sense of negativity , just wait a few minutes. He needs a little time to yourself to take a decision .

If a child , despite your efforts , became hysterical . Calmly wait out her , and then explain how the “right” to behave and why. But do not expect that the kid will understand you as much as you ‘d like , even if you think you are all very detailed. Most of all, have no time to come back to this conversation in other similar situations.

This is a difficult time , not only for the child but for the parents as it requires radical revision of the relationship to his grown-up kid. And if parenting strategies do not change, the crisis of 3 years will be delayed for months .

From the way you behave with your child during this crisis depends whether to keep your toddler activity, perseverance , will continue to strive for self-sufficiency. Or it will break and will meekly obedient , weak-willed , addicted person with low self-esteem .

Nurture a child is not the comments , but by example. That is, behave with the child as would like it to behave with others, including you. And remember that the crisis three years years this is the first step on the way to the adolescent crisis.

Author Kalmikova Lyudmila , Mom.

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